


i don’t wanna be your friend (i wanna kiss your lips)

by sophbees



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-04-22 01:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophbees/pseuds/sophbees
Summary: Catra was thirteen years old when she first realized that she was in love with Adora. She was seventeen when she realized she was going to love her for the rest of her life.—Four times Catra almost told Adora, and one time Adora did.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 38
Kudos: 331





	i don’t wanna be your friend (i wanna kiss your lips)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was my contribution to the She Ra Winter Gift Exchange on tumblr. To see more, check out @sherawintergiftexchange on tumblr! I highly recommend it.
> 
> Title is from “i wanna be your girlfriend” by girl in red.

** _i._ **

Catra was thirteen years old when she first realized that she was going to be in love with Adora for the rest of her life.

It all started, Catra decided, because Adora was the only thing keeping her sane in the Strategic Planning class all the cadets were required to take. A ridiculous class, if you asked Catra, that involved a lot of memorizing formation names and not a lot of actual planning. 

Commander Znee was a wizened old man with a croaky, constantly-angry voice and terrible eyesight. Before he joined the Horde—in his  _ former life _ , as he often said—he had been a librarian in one of the princess kingdoms. 

Catra didn’t know how good at his old job he’d been, but Commander Znee was nothing short of an absolutely horrible teacher. He had a strong liking for both long, endless, rambling lectures and for smacking inattentive listeners with his pointer. In fact, she had a still-aching bruise on her left arm from laughing at Lonnie’s note too loudly last week.

But Adora was the literal sun in that dull, cramped grey room. She had the miraculous talent of being able to giggle so quietly that only Catra could hear her, and she had the most adorable snort at the end of each laugh.

She was always leaning on Catra, always resting her head on her shoulder and poking her in the arm. It made Catra jittery, since she was always distracted by her sweet smell and soft breath.

And her  _ eyes.  _ Every time she leaned over to whisper something in Catra’s ear—carefully, deliberately making sure Commander Znee could not hear her—her eyes sparkled and shined, looking like the prettiest sky she’d ever seen.

Catra usually kept them both entertained with her doodles on random scraps of paper. She drew lots of things: the Fright Zone, Adora and herself, other cadets, but mostly she drew hilarious caricatures of Commander Znee. She had even given some of them to Lonnie and Rogelio and Kyle.

Adora kept watch for her while she drew, always ready to distract Commander Znee with a boring but long question if needed. And then as soon as he turned away, she was back to peering over Catra’s shoulder and grinning with beautiful, contagious delight.

On this particular day, the girl in question was watching her draw a picture of Commander Znee with his head on fire and smoke pouring out of his mouth, his furry eyebrows making an angry triangle and his tail waving behind him.

“That’s really good,” Adora told her. “You should add a cadet next to him, looking terrified.”

Catra held back a giggle. “I  _ should _ ,” she snickered. She began to sketch it out, a circle for the head and a rectangle for the body, and so on, until something that resembled Kyle appeared shaking in front of on-fire Commander Znee.

Adora laughed so hard her knee hit the desk, knocking both of their pencils to the floor. Znee whipped his head toward them instantly. Catra froze. She shoved the paper beneath her textbook.

“Cadet Adora,” Commander Znee ground out, glaringly, “since you find the Seventeen Basic Movements so  _ entertaining,  _ why don’t you come up to the board here and write them all out?”

Some of the other cadets snickered, exchanging looks.

“Yes sir!” She gave a perfect salute before springing to her feet and running up to the blackboard. 

While she wrote neatly, Catra pulled out another piece of paper and started to draw. She drew a round face, wide, sparkling eyes. A high ponytail with a perfectly smooth top. Lips made of perfect arches, pulled into a grin. 

Underneath it, she wrote:  _ I really, really like you.  _ She doodled little smiley faces around it.

Then she stopped. What was she  _ doing?  _ It was one thing to think her best friend was pretty or whatever, but this was just  _ weird.  _ She was such a freak. She didn’t know the first thing about love. Love was something that the older soldiers felt, talked about in hushed terms. 

Not for screw-up thirteen year olds with perfect best friends.

She hurriedly crumpled the paper up and shoved it into the pocket of her uniform. She’d throw it into the garbage later.

** _ii._ **

“Catra?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

She quickly wiped her eyes before turning her head to meet Adora’s worried gaze. “Ummm…yes?” 

Adora pulled herself onto the platform and sat beside Catra at the edge, her feet swinging. “That’s bullshit,” she said. “You’re in your spot.”

Catra snorted. “My spot?”

“The spot where you always go when you’re upset about something.” Adora nodded, as if that added authority to her statement. “What’s wrong?” She asked.

Catra swiped at a tear that was threatening to slide down her cheek. “Nothing’s wrong,” she insisted. “I just…had a nightmare, that’s all. Go back to sleep.”

Adora’s frown was almost as endearing as her smile. “That doesn’t sound very okay, Catra. Wanna talk about it?”

“No!” She softened her tone at Adora’s flinch. “I mean…we’re fourteen years old! I’m too old to be crying about nightmares like a child. This is ridiculous.”

Adora scooted closer, wrapped her arm around Catra’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug. “Tell me about your nightmare,” she murmured.

This close, all Catra could really focus on was the softness of Adora’s skin and the warmth emanating from her. “It was dark and scary and Shadow Weaver was there,” she admitted. “That’s all I’m going to say.”

Adora nestled closer. “I’m sorry. I’ll make you feel better,” she whispered.

Catra felt her heart open, fill up with warmth and spill out. “Thanks,” she whispered back. 

They lay there in silence, just curled up together. Catra let herself focus only on the rhythmic beating of Adora’s heart and soft breaths. Her eyes fluttered shut just slightly as Adora began slowly stroking her hair. 

“I love you,” Adora said.

“I love you too,” said Catra. “You’re my best friend,” she added quickly.

She yelped with surprise when Adora pulled her into a headlock. “Uh,  _ yeah _ ,” she said, ruffling her hair. “ _ Obviously _ we’re best friends!”

Catra burst out laughing, trying to wiggle free. “You don’t know that! I could have another secret best friend!” she protested. She lashed out with her arms, trying to knock her to the ground.

“Oh yeah? Who else could it be?  _ Octavia _ ?” Adora succeeded in tackling her. 

“You don’t know them!” Catra elbowed her in the stomach ineffectively.

“Bullshit, I know everything about you! All your secrets!” She poked her cheek, giggling.

You don’t know  _ everything _ , Catra thought. But she didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to ruin the moment.

—

** _iii._ **

Catra sprinted into the locker room, taking off her training vest as she ran. She threw it over her shoulder, vaguely in the direction of her locker. 

Her footsteps echoed in the empty room, making it seem much bigger and much more unwelcoming. She narrowly avoided tripping over one of the benches as she ran by. She stopped at one of the sinks, pressing the button to activate the water. 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” she hissed at her reflection. The Catra in the mirror stared back at her, looking equally alarmed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” She haphazardly splashed some water on her face, trying to calm down.

It didn’t work. Her heart was still racing, her eyes still too filled with emotion for her to be comfortable. “Fuck,” she repeated.

She knew. She had to know. There was no way that Adora didn’t know she was in love with her. Catra kicked at the sink. She’d really ruined everything.

She tried to steady her gasps, clutching at the edges of the sink. Soon the other cadets would be coming in to change, and she would  _ not  _ be caught crying like a baby by anyone.  _ Breathe _ . 

She could still feel Adora’s weight on top of her, just like she had done a million times before, could still feel her calloused hands pinning her wrists downs, her ridiculous bangs stuck to her forehead with sweat. It was all perfectly normal, routine Adora behavior. They’d wrestled like that after training almost every day of their lives. 

But this time was different. Catra blamed the lack of sleep she’d gotten in the past few weeks (tossing and turning and unable to sleep with Adora so  _ close  _ and so  _ unaware  _ and Catra so  _ guilty _ ) for her terrible lack of restraint. 

If only she hadn’t looked up at that moment. If only she hadn’t stared into her eyes, so full of strange, unreadable emotion. Adora’s eyes always made her stupid, even after three years of pining after her undetected.

Catra had—just for a split second—dropped her gaze to Adora’s mouth. Without thinking, she had licked her own lips, heart in her throat. Briefly, she imagined leaning in, pressing their lips together, sliding her hand through her hair and biting down on her lower lip.

But then she looked Adora in the face and her heart stopped. There was nothing but fear in her friend’s eyes. Just straight-up panic.

_ Fuck. _

“I gotta go!” Catra yelled then, practically throwing Adora off of her. She didn’t even bother to come up with an excuse as she sprung to her feet and ran out of the room. She could hear the confused calls of her teammates behind her.

Adora shouted something—probably something like  _ where are you going?  _ or  _ fuck you, Catra _ —but she ignored her, heading straight for the locker rooms.

And now here she was, almost about to puke with shame and fear. What was she going to do?

“Catra?” 

She whirled around. Adora had entered the locker room, the rest of their team behind her. She didn’t look upset at all; shockingly, she was grinning as she jogged toward Catra.

“There you are!” she said when she reached the sinks. She threw a casual arm around Catra’s shoulder. “I was wondering where you’d gone. You missed Lonnie telling us this really funny joke, something about a princess who walks into a tower—hey Lonnie, tell Catra your joke!”

“I’m changing!”

“Sorry! Anyway,” she turned back to Catra, “why did you run off like that?”

_ She has no idea _ , realized Catra.  _ No idea at all. I could tell her right now and she probably wouldn’t even get it. _

For a brief second, she considered it. Just blurting it out:  _ hey, Adora! Guess what! I ran off because you were on top of me and I was so panicked I thought about kissing you! _

“Oh, I got nauseous all of a sudden,” she lied. “But I’m fine now.”

“Oh, that’s weird. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, it was just for a second.” She reached up and yanked her ponytail lightly. “Why? Worried you’ll catch a contagious disease?”

Adora laughed. “Catra, you  _ are  _ the contagious disease.” She ducked to avoid her shove.

“Hey! Come back here and rematch me!”

Adora stuck out her tongue. “You’ll have to catch me first!” she trilled. Then she turned and sprinted away.

Catra cackled and chased after her.

—

It was dark outside, barely any moonlight reflecting onto the floor between the beds of sleeping cadets. The only light in the room was confined to a bed near the wall, where two teenagers were very much not sleeping.

“Adoraaaaaa,” Catra whined. “I’m boredddddd.”

Adora didn’t look up from her papers. “And I’m busy. Go find something to do.”

“I am! You’re my thing to do!”

Adora almost dropped her pen. “Excuse me?” she said. Her cheeks were flushed bright red.

Catra frantically suppressed her own blush. “Get your mind out of the gutter,” she said, hoping her voice was more smooth than she felt. “I meant that you should be entertaining me with your wonderful personality. Because I’m  _ bored. _ ”

“Poor thing.”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, but you just said—”

“Go fuck yourself!”

“Uh huh.”

Catra reached over and threw Adora’s pen across the room. She smirked at her indignant squawk. “Now will you pay attention to me?”

Adora rolled her eyes. “What are you, five years old?”

“Seventeen, actually.”

“Are you  _ sure _ .”

“Yep! We had our seventeenth end-of-year exams last week, remember?” She drummed her fingers against Adora’s head. “Do you remember? Have you had amnesia?”

Adora sighed. “You are so fucking annoying, do you know that?” But she set her homework on the floor and placed her light in between them. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”

Catra idly twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “Tell me a secret,” she said.

“I don’t have any secrets,” Adora said. She scooted closer. “I tell you everything.”

“Most embarrassing dream?”

“That one where I married Rogelio. I’ve told you this before!”

Catra snickered. “You have. Okay, most embarrassing  _ moment. _ ”

Adora gestured the bangs that still weren’t grown out enough to pull up in her ponytail. “You’re looking at it.”

“Okay, that’s fair. Worst fear?”

Adora was silent for a long time, clearly thinking. Her brow was furrowed in the cutest way possible. “I don’t know,” she said eventually, slowly. “What’s yours?”

“I don’t know either,” said Catra, as if her nightmares weren’t consistently filled with screaming and crying and begging  _ don’t leave me _ ,  _ don’t hurt me, forgive me _ . “I’ve never really thought about it much.”

“Huh.” Adora took out her ponytail. Catra watched, mesmerized, as her hair fell down around her shoulders like a waterfall made of gold. It was a rare sight, ponytail-less Adora, and something she cherished every time it happened. “Ask me something else!” demanded Adora.

Catra grinned and leaned forward. “Of all the cadets, who would you wanna kiss?” she asked.

“N-no one!” Adora sputtered. She was blushing even harder than before.

“Oh, so there  _ is  _ someone!” Catra leaned closer, squinting into Adora’s eyes as if she could figure out who it was simply with prolonged eye contact. “Tell me!”

“There’s no one!” protested Adora. 

“Tell me who it is!” Catra poked her in the cheek. “Is it Lonnie? That blue-haired girl from Squadron Eight? Is it,” she snickered, “Kyle?” 

“Yes,” Adora deadpanned, her face made up in an exaggerated expression of seriousness. “You’re right. It’s Kyle.”

They stared at each other for a minute before they both cracked. Adora snorted as she laughed, clutching her stomach and sprawling out across the bed. Catra collapsed on top of her, cackling. They laughed until it hurt too much to laugh, until they couldn’t breathe.

“It’s not even that funny,” giggled Adora.

“It’s  _ so  _ funny,” laughed Catra. She propped herself up on one elbow; Adora mimicked her. “But seriously, who is it?”

Adora yanked one of her hair tufts. “Mind your own business,” she said, mispronouncing the word ‘business’ like she used to do when she was younger. This launched them into another fit of giggling.

“I’ll tell you who it is if you tell me who you wanna kiss,” offered Adora when they settled down again. 

“No,” Catra said immediately. She knew that even if she tried to lie, it would be too obvious.

“What? Why not?”

“B-because—it’s a secret!” 

Adora smirked. “Oh, but I thought we were telling secrets, Catra?”

There was a sudden shift in the air, a tension between them. It wasn’t a bad tension, just…breathless. Catra stared silently at Adora, who was waiting with one eyebrow raised.

“I like the way you say my name,” she blurted out.

Adora looked like she’d been hit in the face—that was clearly not what she expected her to say. Honestly, it hadn’t been what Catra had been planning to say either.

A slow smile spread across Adora’s lips. “I like your name,” she said nonsensically.

Now, the tension was so thick that it could be cut with a sword. “Okay,” Catra whispered, her heart beating so loudly that she was sure Adora could hear it.

“Do you like my name?” Adora asked. She was whispering now, for some inexplicable reason.

“Yes,” Catra said.

A very strange look crossed Adora’s face. Catra had never been unable to read her before this moment. She gently rolled off Adora so that they were lying next to each other, face to face. She was very warm all over.

“Tell me who you wanna kiss,” repeated Adora.

“No,” repeated Catra. Then she added, tentatively, “I’ll give you a hint, though.”

“Okay?”

Adora shifted, and a wave of moonlight swept over her, illuminating her in glowing light. She looked like something from beyond their time, something powerful and ancient and unforgettable. Catra was deprived of words.

“Amazing,” she exhaled. 

The strange, unknowable look remained in Adora’s eyes. “Amazing?” she said softly.

“That’s—that’s your hint,” Catra whispered. Every inch of her felt like it was fire. “Can you…can you figure out who it is?”

“Yeah,” murmured Adora.

It was like all the panic that had been weirdly absent before hit her all at once. “Okay,” she choked out. “I’m exhausted. Can we go to sleep?”

“Catra—”

She faked a yawn. “Sorry, I’m so sleepy. Gotta be nice and fresh for our training tomorrow, right?” She reached down to the foot of the bed and pulled the blanket over them. “I heard from Rogelio that we’re gonna be fighting princesses in that creepy forest place.”

“Yeah,” said Adora, looking uncertain.

Catra forced a nonchalant attitude, tapping her on the nose lightly. “Night-night, future Force Captain,” she trilled.

Adora smiled slightly. “Goodnight, future Force Captain,” she said back.

Catra grinned at her, ignoring her still-pounding heart. Then she rolled over and pretended to sleep.

—

** _v._ **

“Catra? Catra, wake up!”

She stared blearily above her, squinting at the shape of Adora still fogged up by sleep. The room was way too bright and it was way too early. “Wha…?”

Adora shook her a little too roughly. “Wake  _ up _ ,” she said. “We only have a little bit before we’re supposed to be in the training area, and I have something to show you.”

That got Catra awake very quickly. “Ooo, a little rebellion early in the morning?” she said, grinning. She sat up and blinked the rest of sleep out of her eyes. “What is it?”

Adora’s hair was still loose around her shoulders, and she looked weirdly nervous. “Let me show you,” she said urgently. 

“Okay, okay, don’t lose your head,” said Catra, getting up. She threw their blanket haphazardly over the bed. “Where are we going?”

“Follow me.” Adora held out her hand. Catra grabbed it without hesitation.

She led them out of the sleeping area and down the halls. The Fright Zone was mostly empty this early in the morning; they passed only a few other sleepy-looking soldiers. One of them waved at the two girls. Adora waved back.

Adora stopped at a small door. She pushed it open, revealing a tiny closet containing a few empty boxes. “Why are we here?” asked Catra, very confused.

Adora stepped into the closet and closed it behind them. “I just wanted privacy to tell you something,” she explained. “Something—something I didn’t want the other cadets to overhear.”

Now Catra was  _ really  _ confused. “What are you going to—”

Adora cupped her face and kissed her.

It took Catra a minute to register what was happening. Adora— _ Adora  _ was kissing her. Was this a dream? A hallucination? Had she died? 

Oh, Adora’s mouth was impossibly soft. Her lips tasted like pure sunshine. One of her hands was tangled in Catra’s hair, the other light and warm against her cheek. Her eyelashes brushed against Catra’s skin occasionally, tickling her. 

Catra regained consciousness enough to kiss her back. She tilted her head just slightly, catching Adora’s lower lip in her mouth and biting down gently. Adora gasped against her mouth. She put her hands on Adora’s hips, pulling her closer.

Adora pulled away, and for a brief second Catra was afraid she’d done something wrong. But Adora was smiling—beaming at her. 

“It’s you,” she said. “The person I want to kiss. It’s you.”

_ Wow.  _ “It’s—it’s you too,” Catra said, tripping over her words in her excitement and shock. “I want to kiss you.”

Adora grinned even wider. “That’s good,” she giggled, “considering just now…” She gestured between them. 

Catra burst out laughing. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s probably a good thing.” She smiled softly. “Can I kiss you again?”

Adora brushed her thumb across her lip. “Absolutely. Please.”

And so she did.

She kissed her again and again, pressing her lips to every corner of Adora’s mouth, unable to hold back her grin. She let Adora push her against the wall and kiss her hard and hot and fast. She covered her nose and cheeks and forehead in light, gentle kisses.

They stayed like that for what seemed like forever and not long enough. Adora kept whispering, “You  _ like  _ me,” against her mouth, over and over again, and Catra kept whispering, “I do, I  _ do _ ,” back. 

Then: “Cadets, report to your training arenas in twenty minutes for your exam.” The loudspeaker crackled as the announcement ended.

“Ugh,” groaned Catra. “I forgot that was today.”

Adora sighed. Her cheeks were still flushed, and her lips looked red and swollen. Catra was sure she looked equally wrecked herself. “Come on, let’s go get ready,” Adora said, opening the door.

Catra tried to pat down her unruly hair. “Just give me a minute?” she said. “I’ll catch up.” 

“Okay,” Adora said. She was still grinning.

Catra pulled her in for one more quick kiss. “I like you a lot,” Adora told her. 

Catra smiled. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Feel free to give a kudos or a comment and check out my tumblr @not-always-sunny:)))


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